I hate Thursday… Sometimes… Today… I’ve been ok all day. It’s the weekends eve, eve after all!
Today or more to the point this evening I’m not happy. I’m unsettled. Overthinking. Lonely. We all get like this from time to time. Maybe it’s a case of the Mean reds? A trip to Tiffany’s would be pretty perfect right now. So would a Danish pastry but that’s not happening either.
The Mean reds?
Who knows why you feel like this. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. I’m so busy all of the time. I like to be busy it’s not often I’m not. I’ve been busy for nearly three months solid with teaching classes, show rehearsals, the show, New York and Christmas and now … Nothing… Silence, I’m static, in limbo.
I don’t know if I know how to do nothing. When I say nothing I mean a Mums nothing. Which basically means you’re fucking wonder women without the hot body, youth, did I say hot body, great hair and kick ass skills. My only kick ass skill is making a bottle of wine disappear in under an hour and the ability to make my daughter emit noises only dogs can hear by asking her to do something.. Like get a shower.
I work full time, run my house, do all the cooking, cleaning, washing and raise daughter no2 and when I say raise I mean nag at her constantly, argue with, berate and generally follow her around asking if her rooms clean, her homework’s done, her teeth / hair’s brushed, her pack ups made and for the love of god get a shower and on and on and on… Parents, we have all been there… If you haven’t you soon will be! I do it on my own for the most part. Mister Carr works away every week and so we just have the weekends as rule and the odd weekday night. The rest of the time it’s just Team Sarah and threats of wait till I tell your dad… He loves that…
Tonight I came home to an empty house on my own. No No2 as she stays at grandmas on Thursdays. No one to follow round and clean up after. No friends, no husband. No one to talk to. Don’t get me wrong I’m used to being on my own. I normally enjoy it as I’ve said before I’m not a huge fan of people. My own company is usually a good thing. Just not tonight.
Tonight is one of those nights when you question you. You don’t know what’s wrong with you. Nothing feels right. You can’t settle. You feel uneasy, as if trouble is waiting on the horizon. You feel inadequate. You feel tired, old, lost. It’s that bad I even vacuumed up, swept the floors and cleaned out the cat box! See, nothings right in my world!
Tomorrow will be better. I’ll have No2 to terrorise and I can look forward to dinner with friends this weekend where I’ll ‘probably’ drink my body weight in prosecco and not eat the food I’ve lovingly prepared because I’m too busy making crazy pissed up plans! My friends will receive a whole montage of pissed up snap chat selfies which they’ll have to skip through or lose the will to live. Today will be a distant memory. Just a day where the Mean reds kicked my arse!
Sod it, I may as well watch the film now. Pass me the wine and let’s see if I can use them kick ass skills!