Been a while…

It’s been a rough month. I’ve not felt like blogging and haven’t been able to find the humour in the situation. A few weeks ago I had a call to tell me my grandma was unwell, so unwell we needed to get to the hospital ASAP. Four weeks later and with the wonderful care from both our local hospital, Airedale (ward 13) and the fantastic Manorlands hospice where she is currently residing, she is still with us. Very ill but still here. In amongst the sadness their has been many moments of humour, outpouring’s of love and even moments of reconciliation. Watching someone you love slowly diminish and be in the kind of pain that you can only begin to imagine is .. Well there are too many words for this and I’m not ready to voice them here. Not today.

In amongst this their is the feeling that having any normality of life, happiness or fun shouldn’t happen. That it somehow makes you less caring or less humane. It’s a self inflicted guilt that I’m sure many others can relate to.

I woke up this morning ready to write again prompted by an old post on face book. It was on this day 5 years ago that we attended Beth’s School for her open evening uni presentation. How time runs past us, slips through our fingers… Five year’s gone in the blink of an eye! In two weeks her degree will be finished. Her adulting life will well and truly kick in. Time and happiness need to be taken, grabbed with both hands, savoured, enjoyed and appreciated whenever and wherever they’re found.

So this morning I’m feeling hangover free (unusual), fresh and optimistic. Surprising since I managed a full bottle of prosseco watching films last night. I felt so good that I even considered going for a run. Then I thought calm the fxxx down Sarah…. Baby steps.. To be fair I think I dreamt that bit. Does it still count if you exercise in your sleep?

Laid in bed with a coffee this morning next to Mister Carr whose catching up on last nights match of the day I realise I’m content. This pretty mundane moment makes me happy. I’m allowed to be happy even though crappy things are happening.

Yesterday’s triumph was that we fixed our washer!! Apart from saving a shit load of money which is a huge bonus so of course made me happy, what was even better was that we did it together and didn’t kill each other or sack it off and just order a new one. When I say together I mean that I googled the issue shouted instructions of how it could be fixed and Andrew fixed it. I cleaned up. It’s sods law that the only day I mop the floors (I don’t do mopping) that the washer would decide to stop pumping out. After getting all the scummy water out we flooded (not me) my newly cleaned floors whilst unblocking the pump. Following lots of fist bumps we celebrated with a drink or two whilst watching films with Talia. We’ve now introduced her to all the Lethal weapons 1,2,3 & 4!! So all in all a lovely weekend was had. 🌟

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